Saturday, April 10, 2010

COAHB



It's official, I'm linked up to Wordpress. Come check me out!


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Rinse & Repeat


Ever notice how you happen to have the same conversations with the same people? Or the same relationships? Or the same problems? Or the same complaints? I have found, over this last year, that we humans love to rinse and repeat. We bitch, moan, complain and compromise with cynicism. We "talk about it" and say we are "over it." But funny enough, we get right back on that Bitch Wagon to do it all over again.

Ever have the friend who dates the perpetual loser/cheater? You wonder to yourself, how in the world such a great girl keeps picking such lousy men! Or you watch a coworker have the same complaint about another coworker. Perfect frenemies, one minute they are chatting at the water cooler about how silly it is they believed the rumors each other spoke and the next they are back to being catty. Rinse and repeat.

When are we ever gonna learn!?! You're wasting water people, and not just the kind from the faucet. I'm talking the energy that makes you a person. Your energy, when on rinse and repeat, is constantly depleted. So my lesson for the day, once you've rinsed DON'T repeat. Turn off the faucet and save your energy. It may just save your life...and a few relationships along the way.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I'll Fairy Dust Your Face


I'm off to the Never Neverland (Disneyland that is) this weekend but don't know if my Peter Pan will be coming with.

Wendy, that little menacing wench, has complicated the matters. This little Tinkerbell isn't having any of it.

Here's the thing, there's a certain level of respect in a new relationship. That includes, but not limited to:

1) Distance with any Exes
2) Not bragging about old f* buddies
3) No cheating, sexting or phone sex with anyone other than your new partner

Boundaries need to be set from the beginning. I've learned over the months that surprisingly I am ready and willing to be madly in love. This does NOT mean marriage and children, just to note. This means the full development of a loving, honest and joyful relationship with someone equally engaged and willing to be fearless in the face of commitment. Someone who will stand for me and the relationship.

In my current relationship I am at a crossroads and the light is red. I have no roadmap, no way to judge my direction. This relationship has me a bit lost in the Land of Love. Is it supposed to be this complicated?

Monday, March 22, 2010

A Dying Breed



Bart, Montgomery Station, Downtown San Francisco.



Friday, March 19, 2010

I'm Juicin'



I'm considering going on a juicing program. No, I'm not speaking of the illegal variety.

Now we all know I am madly in love with Bikram yoga. The sweat, intensity and overall high I get from being in that room for 90 minutes is indescribable. I am a frequent yogi of Funky Door Yoga but due to the complexity of getting there sans car, I've decided to give Global Yoga a try this coming week. After reviewing their website I see they have a juicing program and I am SUPER pumped. My body is in desperate need for a detox! I'm feeling bloated, heavy and overall lacking in energy and motivation. And with the good weather right around the corner...well, it's bikini season and I'll be vain and say I want to look HOT.

The premise behind the juicing program is simply: detox, bolster the immune system and create an alkaline environment for a mostly acidic environment. In this day and age most Americans experience a heavily rich and saturated diet of acidic based foods (processed, fried, etc.) and the program claims to help promote and regenerate the alkaline reserve each body is so desperately depleted of.

Aside from the purpose of juicing the process also boasts the results of weight loss, increased intestinal (how do I say this?) cleansing and an overall physical improvement. From a period of a few days to almost two weeks, I am able to pick up 5 juices each morning that are made especially for me. I'm thinking this is brilliant, only so much because I def don't have the time to make these things on my own. To me, that's well worth the money.

Stay tuned for my weight loss extravaganza!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Time Management


This last week I started my new job that is located in South San Francisco, so needless to say there is a commute involved. Roughly an hour each way, I take the bus, Bart and a shuttle to arrive by 8:30 in the morning. This whole routine, plus the 9 hours I am at the office, takes a substantial chunk of time as you can imagine. I now juggle work, personal commitments, friends, the Boy and...oh right working out, in my daily routine. To put it mildly, working out is at the bottom of my list.

So how does a young, professional woman juggle the many avenues of her life?

I woke up to a beautiful San Francisco day and decided to lace up my running shoes and hit the pavement. I ran the Embarcadero and then did the steps up to Coit. I was exhausted! I hadn't worked out all week and I didn't enjoy huffing and puffing my way home. There must be a way to organize my time more efficiently to include everything I love. But how?

My priority list is as follows:

1. Work
2. Friends/loved ones/the Boy
3. Third party organizations/volunteering commitments
4. Working out/health plan

Now some reason I feel it needs to be reversed.

1. Working out/health plan
2. Volunteering commitments
3. Friends/loved ones/the Boy
4. Work

No...still not quite right.

Visually I've set up my calendar to be color coded and categorized. This not only helps me distinguish what and how I spend my time, but where I may need to add or delete too much of a good thing. For example, most of my days are blue indicating work related time. Now I know it is only natural my calendar will be mostly blue, considering I spend so many days there. But my friends, who are in pink, aren't too plentiful. My pink space is much more limited than my blue space. Working out, which is green, is virtually non-existent. If a stranger looked at my calendar, they would be able to tell what I value based on my color coordination. I would be embarrassed to say that my face-to-face friend time doesn't seem to be of high importance.*

I've figured out how to color code my calendar, be efficient backing up my notes with Evernote and mapping out my ideas and goals with Mindmeister, yet I am still lacking in the performance aspect. That is, a lot of what I have scheduled isn't happening. This is where I learn, rather sadly, that my enthusiasm does not trump my apparent lack of discipline. I may schedule a 6 am gym sess but I don't want to get out of the warm bed that houses my very cute Boy and his fantastic cuddling skills. I may want to see my friends for brunch on a Saturday, but I end up not leaving my house because I'm too cozy reading in bed. It's appropriate to have me time, but it's also imperative I foster the loving relationships around me. Some girls can have it all.

It's my conclusion, after all of this, that balance coupled with discipline is the key to my success. Now time to just do it!



*Just to note, though I do not have a lot of face to face time with my nearest and dearest, I am in constant communication with most of them throughout my day via text or email. I know this isn't quite the same, but I feel I needed to note that my communications are high, my physical abilities are limited by time and space, and that thing called physics.




Sunday, March 7, 2010

It's Not Official Till it's on Facebook


The current trend of making it "official" on FB seems to be the only way we boys and girls confirm or deny a relationship. To many of us, putting our relationship status on FB solidifies the couplehood that we have declared. To others it's seen as obtrusive and too much information. I'm torn, as most of my life is on the internet I wonder if I should add this little bit of info or not.

Now, I'm not all for disclosing names and making a big deal out of who I'm dating yet at the same time, as all my friends seem to be disclosing their partners to the millions of users online, I tend to wonder about my own status. I'm not single. I'm definitely in a relationship. I'm loving what these last few weeks have brought me and loving the time spent with this man of mine. Since when did a status get so complicated?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

It's Official


Now I know I may not be as voluptuous, red-headed or sensual as Miss Joan Holloway from Mad Men but over the next few months she will be mentor as I embark on an exciting career change.

I've currently been signed on as the EA to a CEO of a large software tech firm in the Bay Area and couldn't be more excited! I will be using Joan as my fashion icon and mentor as I enter the workforce. I know, I know...I'm so much more of a Betty! But isn't it fun to play dress up?

Quote of the Day


"Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake an entire relationship" - Sharon Stone

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Some Men...


Are like fire hydrants, they just let women pee all over them.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Vintage Beauty


Paint your lips a violent shade of red, pour yourself a glass of champagne and tune Pandora to anything by Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra. Lie back on your chaise lounge (if you don't have one, find one!) and bask in the glory that is your beauty.

I fundamentally believe that our society has taken women in the wrong direction when it comes to feeling sexy. The images we are given, day in and day out, are not only irrational but they are also typically unattainable. Saying that, no matter what size you are or how you feel about your shape, I believe that a woman should feel great from the moment she puts on her first piece of clothing, which is typically the infamous bra and panties. Why not feel sexy from the moment you touch clothing to skin?

Dollhouse Bettie's is an absolute wonderful location for not only sexy lingerie but also deliciously sweet nighties and gowns. From vintage to current trends, they have everything you are looking for. Garter belts, satin gowns and robes, bra and pantie sets, lace, bows, ribbon...What more to please the senses than the touch of these on your skin? The staff are more than helpful and give you plenty of space and time to try on whatever you need and desire.

I highly recommend this little shop and look forward to coming back soon. And ladies, let's bring sexy back, not for others but for ourselves!


*Photo courtesy of Dollhouse Bettie

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Be Fearful and You Will Be Lonesome


As of recently, I've been living into the future. Now, I'm not saying this is such a bad thing. Using the future to guide you can be productive and ward off ill-advised decisions. At the same time, the way that I was living into the future has prevented me from enjoying fully the present. And I have a lot of things to enjoy these days.

One of the great things that I have going on in my life is a new relationship with a guy that I not only respect and love as a dear friend, but find insanely attractive. Lucky for me, he's agreed to hang out with me and my pathetic crush exclusively. Go figure! But here's the problem, I don't really believe him when he says he wants to be with me. Silly right? Funny how insecurities can ruin a good thing. As for this man, he's quick to tell me to get off it and enjoy what we have. I persist with the fear that he'll dump me, which really means I am digging my own grave. Solution? Stop letting the fear (which I deem as real and it is NOT) write my future but instead in each moment create the space for an amazing relationship to take form.

Fear is a tangled web we create in a world that has grown excessively chaotic and muddled. With all the technology, news blasts and twitter updates, our minds are constantly focused on the ever present dangers and ramblings of society. Some fears, like the fear of being mauled to death by a bear who is growling in front of you, is very real. Others, like the ones I created above and the like, are completely and utterly useless as they are created in the mind. I am letting my insecurities create and feed the growing fire of fear. This is where I take action, recognize the type of fear I possess and come to place of surprising simplicity. This quotes sums it up:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.”~Joan Rivers

Saturday, February 27, 2010

What's in a Name?



Some labels, such as Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Hermes are considered good labels. They are branded as sophisticated, elegant and noble. Unfortunately, there are some labels that one would rather do without....

Let's take a look at the names or labels I've had over the years:

Pagel's Girlfriend
Stephanie The Pi Phi
Baseball Card (loooong story)
The Mayor

It's funny what others call you when they speak of you to strangers or friends. I've had some of the above labels affectionately used for years. For example, Stephanie The Pi Phi was my main moniker for at least my first two years of sorority life and I fondly recall the nickname because it takes me back to a very fun, innocent and exciting time. The Mayor is a current label used to denote my status in the neighborhood. It's sassy and represents a certain level of notoriety that I love.

But recently I was referred to as The Blonde.

Now, I get it. I mean, I don't have a job and I have no real characteristics to differentiate myself. The only issue I have is that I was cross referenced to The Nurse. Obviously I'm not The Nurse. Now the real root of the problem: the third party was well aware of The Nurse but not The Blonde. Ouch. Turns out being compared to the other woman doesn't sit well with me.

As I mentioned, some labels are good and some are bad. Labels sometimes go out of style or you progress through them as you progress through life, taking on a new one at the next stage. The Blond will only be a temporary label, or at least I hope it's only temporary. Maybe I should dye my hair brunette?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

In Your Face!


Anybody heard of this new site, Chatroulette? It's pretty intense.

See what you do is, you press Play and all of a sudden you are paired up with someone on the site, sitting in front of their webcam. Crazy! I mean, what if you get a perv or something? You don't have to sign in to press Play, you simply jump right in to a conversation.

I swear, technology these days! Unbelievable.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Daily Mantra



Speaking of beer...who else is craving a nice cold one on such a beautiful San Francisco day?

Friday, February 19, 2010

Bottom Heavy


I'm a fat kid.

Ok, maybe I'm not fat per say in other people's eyes but in mine, I'm a heifer. At the end of the day, I can't help but think about the fact that I am no longer 120 pounds. Granted I am 127 (oh my God I can't believe I just admitted that to all of you) and to some of you that is still really small, but if you saw my body type then you would know that the 7 more pounds I have on my frame from 2 years ago is a lot. Also, considering I am a "recovering anorexic," my weight is always a topic for discussion in accordance with my low self esteem in relation to body image. Yea, deep stuff.

So instead of constantly complaining, I'm doing something about it. In the last three months I have lost 8 pounds (ok if you are good at math now you know I was weighing 135, GROSS). Now, that has nothing really to do with my gym visits (I only resigned with 24 Hour Fitness two weeks ago), and not so much with my diet (though a regular serving of popcorn, eggs and quesadillas never hurt)...it has more to do with my sex life. Yea, I'm having a lot of it lately. The hot, sweaty, steamy kind. And happily my scale has responded. EIGHT WHOLE POUNDS!!!

Besides the sex, I'm on a mission to loose the final four pounds in the next month. How you may ask? Well yes, sex is still on the menu but I also plan on implementing an actual exercise routine. This includes the Filbert and Greenwich Street Steps. Have any of you done these suckers? They are INTENSE to say the least. So, stay tuned. Four pounds in four weeks, if not, I'm giving up sex for a year. Seriously.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Little Black (I Mean Pink) Book


I'm sitting today updating my Little Pink Book. Yes, I own one. What self-respecting young urban woman doesn't? Men have been toting the Little Black Book for years. Contemporarily it's seen as a true bachelor's necessity and often women, though we complain, are intrigued by a man's LBB. So I've invested in a LPB ever since I became single over two years ago, and I'll have to say the little thing gets great use (until recently as I have just started seeing someone, but I'll go into that later).

I highly recommend any fabulous woman to get one. It's great fun to flip through the pages and go through the names, maybe not so much for an actual hook-up but just for laughs. Get a bottle of wine, your best friends and your LPB's for a night of stories and giggles as you relive your many trysts over the years. Don't we just love reliving these memories??



Monday, February 15, 2010

Love is Writing


I spent the majority of my Heart Day surrounded by new books and inspiration. I've become more dedicated to this blog and feel that writing is a newly reunited friend that I haven't spoken to in years. Some days are harder than others and when I find myself at a loss of words, I dig deep and start reaching out to others who blog. I have found, through trial and error over he years, that writing is my love.

All this aside, I want to share, in honor of the Loving Day, one of my favorite blogs Life Is Heart. It is truly a blog full of love and inspiration, one in which I find solace and joy whenever I read it. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!

Friday, February 12, 2010

What Would Audrey Do?


I'm currently reading a new book, What Would Audrey Do? (WWAD) and I'm enamored by her grace, style and elegance. My current goal in life is to be her. Forget Barbie, that's for girls. Time to step up my game. It's all Audrey, all the time.

Here are a few essentials for my Audrey transformation:

Large, black sunglasses
Multiple men who fawn over my every move
LBD
Diamonds, preferably from Tiffany's
The mastery of the french twist
The non-stop use of the word "Darling"
And most importantly, a tiara since she is the true American princess

Something got you Down?


Let acupuncture LIFT your spirits! Did you know a low libido can be a sing of kidney yang deficiency?

Though it's recommended you consult with a licensed TCM (traditional chinese medicine) practitioner, I highly suggest Passion Potion by Sage Solutions to get that extra (sigh) something back into the bedroom. Also look into adding fresh lychee or durian fruit to your diet to increase that sex drive. Women and men alike could benefit from a little bit more love this weekend!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Praying to the Sex God



Sex is the opus of the soul, a work in which the pursuit of a partner, meeting, becoming acquainted, and going to bed work out deep, secret elements in the mythology of the heart. In sex we seek out the soul, but not just my soul or the other's soul. We are always looking for the breath of life itself, the spark that will allow us to feel our vitality.

Fundamentally, we don't trust our sexuality. We feel compelled by its allure, but we wish it didn't complicate life and interfere with our plans.

So, question of the day, can we ever simply accept and enjoy our desires, temptations and passion in our sexual relationships? Or are we destined towards everlasting distrust and fear in our pursuit of intimacy?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

O-O-O Face

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

If You Say So...


Motivational quote of the day.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Russians Are Coming


Meet my new crush, Eric Van Tielen.

He plays Fyedka in Fiddler on the Roof here in San Francisco and he is a hooootttiiieeee! After seeing the show tonight I have a new found interest in vodka, fur hats and blue eyes.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Pink Slips



After a stress-induced migraine hit me Friday morning and left me broken like a bull in a china shop, I came to the realization that I am wasting my energy and time on individuals and projects that are not worth the expense. I can no longer put the pedal to the medal and drive through life ignoring the stop signs. I must, instead, put my brakes to good use.

I'm handing out pink slips to people who don't make me smile. If you exhaust me, bore me, aggravate me or otherwise offer no real joy to my life, then over the next few days be prepared to pack up your emotional baggage and vacate the premises.

Please be advised, if you do receive a pink slip, it is completely and 100% personal.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

You Have a Great Neckline


I often envy women with significant others. Not so much for the emotional companionship or constant sex (which really is a lie, I probably get it more than the average committed couple) but more so for the compliments. Yea I know, self-centered isn't it?

I love compliments in all varieties. My wardrobe, shoes, hair, style, bags, manner of walking, speech, anything really. I get an average of 5 compliments a day, all very much appreciated and taken with a smile. But since they are somewhat hard to come by, in terms of when I'll get one (so unpredictable!) I have found a new avenue to up the ante. This online dating site stuff turns out to be a pretty girl's heaven!

Match.com is somewhat lame in this department but OkCupid...that's a whole different story! The emails I get are fantastic. My days are filled with admiration from men I don't even know who view the same old pictures I have posted everywhere. I'm telling ya, if you simply want someone to tell you how pretty you are you should hit up this site. Today's highest ranked compliment, "You have a great neckline."

My response, "For what? Biting?" Touche.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Pot of Gold




There is something inherently beautiful about rainbows. Symbolically they represent not only happiness, but hope.

In the past two three weeks I have had some major upsets. From health, relationships and career my attention has been drawn to the negative. I've been struggling with stress and can't seem to find my place in this big, daunting world. My rainbow, it turns out, are my girlfriends.

On my way to Napa this weekend I realized that each color in the above rainbow symbolizes a special woman in my life. Someone who inspires, guides and loves me to keep searching for that pot of gold. A woman who, through thick and thin, will stand next to me when I can't stand for myself. Today I send a special thank you to each one of you (you know who you are) and only hope I can be a vibrant color in your rainbow as well.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Love.com


There is a very confronting and horribly addicting world out there called Online Dating. From OkCupid, Chemistry, Plenty of Fish, Match and eHarmony (all dotcoms), the single individual is left with a myriad of options to find a date. The weird thing is, it's online.

I always find the online thing awkward. Not that I need online dating, to be honest I get asked out on average 5-7 times per week, more so in the summer due to the wardrobe options...but I digress. OD is awkward because you base your entire first date on what you read about that person and what random photos they have selected to display to the world. I mean really, have we as humans lost our way in terms of having meaningful and colorful interactions with each other, so much so that we now resort to sorting and judging prospects sans chemistry first?

There's something about meeting someone in person, glancing at them from across the room and getting flushed with attraction. The moment a man (who has the balls) comes up and introduces himself and shakes your hand, you feel pretty, special and excited. OD, on the other hand, is like herding cattle through a shoot. I'm quick to dismiss possible Husbands based on the following criteria:

Too short (especially in pics with your friends)
Too tall (I don't want to hug you and be in your belly button)
Too fat
Round face
Pudgy nose (pig nose I call it)
Horrible haircut
No body shot (you must be fat)
Bad smile (get braces)
Blurry photo
Bad grammar/punctuation
Under the age of 25...
...Over the age of 40

Has online dating made us (women and men) too picky? Are we basing our potential happiness all on first impressions through photos instead of interacting? Does OD actually increase the chances of finding love? If so, why are there so many people still single and online? As I sign up for some of these sites today, I'll be tracking my progress through this blog. How many people view me versus asking me out versus actual dates.

Let the dating begin.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Team Boy: 1. Team Stephanie: 0.




When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us. ~Unknown


I am acutely aware of the fact that I am wanted. I am also acutely aware of the fact that I have recently been rejected. Now, to be honest, fault really lies on both him and I for my current state of unhappiness. Yet I still blame myself as most women do. Am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough?

At this point you may feel like slapping me or shaking some sense into me. I understand, I have felt the same way with some of my friends when they voice the same concerns. Yet there is something inherently and downright sad and pathetic about our species, women. We just can't get it that we are GOOD ENOUGH as is. We are so wrapped up in attempting to change for a man that we loose sight of the ultimate goal, being loved for who we are. Simply who we are, nothing more and nothing less.

Now back to being wanted. As I previously mentioned I have been rejected. It's not fair to generalize the demise of our "relationship" (or lack thereof) but I will say that it boiled down to me wanting commitment, him NOT wanting commitment. Team Boy takes the goal. When one party doesn't want it, there's no point in trying to coerce them into something. The relationship will be doomed from the start.

So I get rejected and (God love her) the Universe responds. I check my phone and I am getting some seriously random texts or calls from guys that I have either not heard from or seen in months, if not years. Men I once dated, men I've never dated, and men I spent only a few short hours with (let's try to keep this PG shall we?). I've got dates lined up this week with men that I am worried I won't even recognize because it's been so long since I've seen them! Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something? Or perhaps, show me something? Let's hope Team Stephanie prevails.

Friday, January 15, 2010



There's something about musicals that get me going, in a good way.

Singing has always been something I've wanted to pursue. I was in musicals as a child and it was one of the most beneficial, amazing and happy times of my life. Being on stage, acting and singing was what I lived for. Being in character is nothing new to me, so being on stage was truly my time to shine.

Then I quit. Out of nowhere. I just ended my time on stage. I got into horseback riding soon after, spending years competing and earning ribbons. Then I quit that. And so the trend continued throughout my adolescent years and into adulthood. I love something, I work hard at it, I spend countless hours mastering it and then I quit. But that's another post for another time, back to singing.

I notice when I'm sad I lean towards anything that involves spontaneous outbursts of musical talent. From Glee to Mamma Mia!, I'm drawn to music. It brings joy to my life and I can't help but grin ear to ear as the music starts, the actors gather and the voices fill the air. It's my go-to Happy Place, only after a spend a few hours surrounded by books. My most recent obsession? Sam Tsui. I want to make out with his face. Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Heart. Ache.


Last night I said goodbye to my best friend. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face. (Oh and let's note I'm in Jury Duty today, everyone is staring at me.) In a ray of hope I woke this morning hoping it was all a dream, only to brutally realize the morning after such a loss may be worse than I ever imagined. I woke up empty, feeling as if there was a hole in my heart-and in my life. He took a piece of me with him last night and I do not know what to do. The black hole I find myself in doesn't seem to have any way out, as yet I can see, and I'm scrambling for breath.

I share this with you because 1) I rarely share the things that hurt me and 2) I believe it's vital we make aware the pain involved in loosing someone you so dearly love.

Now let me explain, my best friend is still living and breathing in this big grand world. Simply put, our energies had become too entwined. Though the reasons, justifications and actions as to how it all went down are less important right now due to my inconsolable grief, I will say that this may be one of the hardest moments in my life thus far. And there I go crying again.

A good friend of mine, also a therapist, passed along the Kubler-Ross 5 Stages of Grief to me this morning. I'm all too familiar with the model and after grudgingly accepting the information I began to think that it may be a smart idea to look it over. After all, I just lost someone right? I'm in a black hole and can't see my way out, that sounds pretty familiar.

5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial- This can't be happening to me. I'm ok.
2. Anger- Why me?? This sucks. This isn't fair. Are you a complete idiot for letting me go?
3. Bargaining- If we just do x,y,z maybe we can go back to what it was....
4. Depression- I'm so sad. I can't get out of bed, I no longer enjoy the things I once did.
5. Acceptance- And I'm back biatches!

Now the real question is, does anybody have a tissue??

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Peter, I Heart You.


I was recently stopped on the street by an 88 yr old man who fell in love with me. It's great when men tell me how pretty I am. Really, it makes my day. So funny because I actually don't find myself attractive, so when I'm told I am I immediately fall in love with you. I gotta work on that.

Back to Peter, the 88 yr old man. Dressed in an Armani suit, a dark wool coat and carrying a Hermes umbrella, I knew immediately he was old-school San Francisco. I love that. He opens the conversation with, "You were supposed to model today, but you missed your appointment didn't you?" God I love senior citizens. So of course I'm hooked and let him continue the conversation. Among the many things he continues to tell me, I will share a few of his bits of advice.

1. Don't get fat. According to Peter, "I'm so tired of seeing these elephants and seals. You are beautiful. Don't get fat, it's not worth it. Men don't like you when you are fat." Awesome, I just renewed my gym membership.

2. "A woman has 11 holes. Men have 10. Watch what you put in all your holes." Interestingly enough he made a few gestures to accompany this comment which were quite entertaining. I will not be handing out all access passes. You gotta be VIP to get this shiznaz.

3. Lastly, and most importantly, "The more you do for a man, the less he does for you." Excellent advice Peter. He continues to tell me about his 89 yr old wife, Stella, and how she makes him work for it. If you hand a man everything, he doesn't want it. If you make him work for it, it triggers his primal hunter within. Let the Game begin.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Can I Call You Daddy?


There's something incredibly handsome and regal about an older man with salt & pepper hair.

It's not just ANY older man that gets me going. It takes a certain array of characteristics that make me take a second look. Aside from the hair, these S&P's need to have the demeanor of a high-level corporate executive, drive a luxury car and wear Armani. Oh and they need to smell amazing. I'm talking George Clooney amazing. You know what I mean here ladies...a man of this caliber walks by and you just KNOW they smell amazing.

The sexy, suave, older thing doesn't have anything to do with a Freudian father/daughter dynamic, it really has to do with the fact that S&P's are just plain hot. I'm referring to Sean Connery/Richard Gere/Anderson Cooper hotness. I don't even care how old they are (ok really maybe 55 would be my max), I would just like to date one. Saggy old balls aside, can I call you Daddy?


Friday, January 8, 2010

Jogging, with a Soft J


My increasingly bad and cranky mood is beginning to effect more than the few close friends I have. It's becoming contagious with most of the individuals I encounter. This has got to stop.

My solution? I'm getting my a** to the gym. I figure hopping on the treadmill, though I hate it, will be a great fix. Here are just a few benefits to exercise:

1. A truckload of endorphins are dropped in your brain, kicking that bad mood to the curb

2. The Eye Candy is undeniably sweet

3. You don't feel as guilty when you mow down the giant burger later that evening, or beer, whichever comes first

4. Supposedly it increases your sex drive. Not that I need that per say, but the higher the sex drive the better in my opinion

5. And lastly, it helps curb the fat-train that will undoubtably appear as I age. Being ugly is contagious, just as a bad mood is. There should be a vaccine. Oh wait there is, it's called exercise. Bouya!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Daily Grind


No, I don't mean the hustle and bustle of your workday. I mean coffee. Yes, that delectable, delicious and oh so gratifying beverage that makes the world go round.

I'm on my second double Americano of the day. The savory and rich aroma coupled with the smooth texture on the tongue leaves me tingling all over. I live and die for my daily coffee fix. There's something about the experience of not only getting coffee but carrying coffee that leaves me satisfied. I can finally relate to smokers. It's all about having something in your hand. The ritual of standing in line, ordering, adding the cream and sugar, and carrying it that leaves me feeling sublimely content-even if for a short period of time. Within two hours I'll be wanting more. And more. And more.

I have to cut myself off. Detox. But not before I have one last sip...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Wicked


I've spent the last few years of my life playing the Wicked Witch of the West. Ok well really it's been more like 10 years or more. Ok fine, it's been my damn career since I can remember. That's beside the point.

What really matters here is, just how Wicked have I been? And in me being so Wicked, what has it cost me?

Though I look more like the Good Witch than the Bad, I'd have to say I've played out the part fairly well. I can scare the hell out of you. Seriously. Only takes one look. I can tear you down with the rest of them. In fact, I probably started every rumor you've ever heard about yourself. I am highly capable of bringing copious amounts of tears to your eyes. I am even better at making you feel ashamed for expressing emotion than I am at getting you to express emotion. I would scratch. Bite. Claw. And cackle. I've been known to kick little boys in the balls, make grown men cry and strip women of the little self-esteem they have left.

But no more. I'm tired of being mean. Turns out, somewhat like Elphie, I have a heart. One that beats with passion, intensity and purpose. Not saying I'm walking (or better yet flying) away from that role completely, just that the intensity I once had to make you feel worthless has left the building. So though I will still wear the black hat and my cackle can be heard throughout the streets of North Beach, I will no longer send my flying monkeys after you. I'll just bop you on the head with my broom instead.