Monday, March 1, 2010

Be Fearful and You Will Be Lonesome

As of recently, I've been living into the future. Now, I'm not saying this is such a bad thing. Using the future to guide you can be productive and ward off ill-advised decisions. At the same time, the way that I was living into the future has prevented me from enjoying fully the present. And I have a lot of things to enjoy these days.

One of the great things that I have going on in my life is a new relationship with a guy that I not only respect and love as a dear friend, but find insanely attractive. Lucky for me, he's agreed to hang out with me and my pathetic crush exclusively. Go figure! But here's the problem, I don't really believe him when he says he wants to be with me. Silly right? Funny how insecurities can ruin a good thing. As for this man, he's quick to tell me to get off it and enjoy what we have. I persist with the fear that he'll dump me, which really means I am digging my own grave. Solution? Stop letting the fear (which I deem as real and it is NOT) write my future but instead in each moment create the space for an amazing relationship to take form.

Fear is a tangled web we create in a world that has grown excessively chaotic and muddled. With all the technology, news blasts and twitter updates, our minds are constantly focused on the ever present dangers and ramblings of society. Some fears, like the fear of being mauled to death by a bear who is growling in front of you, is very real. Others, like the ones I created above and the like, are completely and utterly useless as they are created in the mind. I am letting my insecurities create and feed the growing fire of fear. This is where I take action, recognize the type of fear I possess and come to place of surprising simplicity. This quotes sums it up:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.”~Joan Rivers

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