Friday, December 18, 2009

Only Child Syndrome

I have this disease called Only Child Syndrome. It's rare, diagnosed at birth and in my case, cannot be cured. I've attempted to treat it through various means throughout my life: playing with other children, making friends, spending time with my peers...the list goes on and on really. I've tried it all.

The bad news is that I'm still sick. I never liked playing with other children and I don't really like my peers. This is what happens when you hang out with adults most of your life. I'm a lost cause. If you've ever met an only child I'm sure you can relate. We are evil little creatures, typically demanding most if not all of your attention. Here are some typical symptoms to distinguish Only Child Syndrome in others:

-Perpetual attention hogging & seeking
-Me Me Me mentality
-Lack of compassion or sympathy for others
-Narcissistic tendencies (really we are a product of grandparents who spoiled the sh*t out of us cause we were the only ones)
-Demanding and often over-controlling
-My Way or the Highway doctrine
-And lastly, believe everything they touch is there's

I am now accepting donations for a cure. I'll take payment in form of gifts, money and dinners at fine restaurants. My non-profit is in the works. Check back for details. 

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